Too Fat to Lock-Up
John Lanigan (JL): Santa Clara, Mexico, frustrated judge David Lahey (sp) was forced to let a cocaine dealer go free because she was, he was too fat to lock up.... | Tony Rizzo (TR): What? Jimmy Malone (JM): This is one of the worst we've ever had, folks. JL: Even the prosecuting lawyer Cynthia Seveley (sp) begged the judge not to send 47 year old stone criminal Kenneth Sata (sp) to jail. The night Sata was arrested he demolished three bunks by lying on them, then smashed three toilet bowls simply by sitting on them. She said no prison uniforms can fit him, he can's stand for more than five minutes but no chair will support him and then, there is the problem of his constant diarrhea (laughter...) and worse, he's so fat, he can't even cut his own toenails or wipe himself in the bathroom...somebody has to go wipe it for him... (laughter) the sheriff's department said we'll go on strike if you put him in our jail...a scheme to tag Sata with an electronic device was overturned because none of the tags was big enough to fit around his fat ankle. They didn't know what to do with him, they just let him go. JM: You know, you always say, there's nothing worse than a bad cab driver or something. I would venture to say that there is nothing worse than a man so fat with diarrhea that he can't wipe himself and you have to do it for him. JL: I would say, I'm not guarding him...matter of fact, I would just happen to leave the cell door open every night hoping the man would escape...he crushed three bunks, he flattened two toilets, it's not bad enough he can't wipe himself... JM: He's got diarrhea... JL: He crushed the toilets.... JM: Some young kids hang around the sheriff, saying, you know, when I grow up.... JL: I wanna be just like you... JM: He says, well, Petie, come here...see what kind of lawman you could be...go on in there, wipe up old Hank for us....(laughter) JL: I don't blame them, they let him go...they couldn't even put him under home arrest because his fat feet were too big for the tag... JM: They were too big...we've had some dumb burglars, guys, but we may have a new leader here....In Tel Aviv, Israel, an optimistic bank robber thought he could save some time by faxing his note to bank cashiers, the note read....(laughter) JL: Wait a minute, he did what? JM: He faxed his holdup note to bank cashiers.... JL: In other words, here's what I want, I'll be by to pick it up??? JM: The note read, "just say nothing and do as I tell you..." JL: Ugh, huh.... JM: "Give me all the money in plain bags and nobody will be injured." JL: Okay... JM: "I will be there in about 30 minutes..." JL: Yeah... JM: True to his promise, about 30 minutes later the man walked into the bank with a gun...(laughter) JL: Is my money here....it's funny, what are all the cops doing here???? JM: Police were waiting to welcome him, the would-be thief, thinking quickly, said hey, I was just joking, I just stopped by the bank to open up an account...but the cops arrested him anyway...(laughter) JL: Well, I sort of see it as taking advantage of the new modern technology...alot of burglars out there are probably too stupid to know how to run a fax machine...this guy understood at least how to run a fax... JM: If I fax it ahead, that way, the money is all ready, you don't have to stand there impatiently, waiting to see if the police are going to arrive... JL: Holding up other people that are trying to make deposits, that's a nice way to do it, that was being very thoughtful... JM: I wonder if he sent a cover page with his fax...from the desk of Harry Walters...(laughter) JL: What a moron, faxed it ahead... |
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